MAKING HOLIDAYS BETTER FOR YOUR CHILD

The holidays are a period that is fun and joyous, but also a busy and stressful one. Between buying presents, holiday events, entertaining, traveling, and family gatherings, it is inevitably difficult to remain calm and peaceful. As a result, children can often get carried away.

Here are a few tips to keep your child happy and ready for the holiday season:

1. Set a calm example. As a parent, your child looks up to you. So, if you are relaxed and calm as much as possible, then your child will also behave this way. Try to be self-aware and set aside time for yourself. Also, remember to practice self-care and to get enough sleep. Taking steps to handle your own stress will reduce anxiety in your child.

2. Keep in mind the importance of routines. Children behave the best when routines are predictable. Once a party is over, try to get routines back on track, especially for bedtime and mealtimes. The following day after a special event, try to stick to quiet and calm activities.

3. Have your child help you out. School age children usually love to help their parents. Do not hesitate to praise your child when she is responsible and helpful. For instance, ask your child to help you find an item in a store or to help you decorate the house. Giving your child a task will boost her self-esteem and make her feel member of the holiday team.

4. Manage your child’s expectations. Some children get incredibly excited around the holidays expecting to receive expensive gifts, spending every day of vacation being busy visiting museums, having endless play dates and multiple sleep over. While your child will be busier, let your child know up front what to expect. Look at the calendar and plan activities together so that you child is aware of her holiday schedule.

5. Discuss the values of the holidays. Material gifts are great, but the best gifts might not be these ones. Volunteering, participating in a local toy drive, or giving each of your child a little money to give to a charity of her choice are all great ideas for getting children in a more generous mood. Also, remember to take the time to get together to play a game, watch a movie, or decorate sugar cookies.
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By planning, talking to your child about your and her expectations about the holidays, and by trying to stick to her routines as much as possible, the stress and the anxiety from the holidays will be manageable. You and your child will be able to enjoy this special time of the year.

                             STANDING UP TO BULLYING IN SCHOOLS

Bullying can be devastating for children’s confidence and self-esteem. If your child is being bullied, she will need a lot of love, guidance, and support so that she knows you are on her side and will take action to prevent any further bullying.

Here are a few strategies to help her deal with it:

1. Talking with your child about the bullying.

• Listen to your child by giving her your full attention. Ask her simple and direct questions such as “So, what happened next?” or “What did you do then?”.
• Summarize the problem to make sure you understand the whole situation. For example, “So, Chris came up, took your lunch box, and threw it  across the playground.”
• Validate our child’s feelings by saying for instance “No wonder you feel so sad about this.”
• Reassure your child it is not her fault. “It did not happen because you wear glasses. Sam might have been upset for another reason. It is no excuse though.”

2. Taking positive actions.

• Talk with your child’s classroom teacher and eventually the principal and make sure your child knows you are working on the problem.
• Explain the motivations behind a bully’s behavior. Your child needs to understand that a bully has a need for power and control over others and a desire to hurt people. They often lack empathy, sensitivity, and self-control.
• Create a list of responses your child can use to tell someone to stop bullying her. It could be “Leave me alone.” or “Back it off”. Teach your child to say these words in an assertive way.
• Role-play scenarios. Role-playing helps your child build confidence and empowers her. As a parent, you can role-play the bully while your child practices different responses until she feels confident handling these difficult situations.
• Build your child’s confidence. The better your child feels about herself, the less the bullying will affect her self-esteem. Honor your child’s strengths and encourage activities and connections that bring out the best in your child.

Helping your child deal with a bully will build confidence and prevent a difficult situation from escalating. What parents shouldn't do, no matter the child's age, is assume that this is normal peer stuff that will work itself out.

​                    CULTIVATING MINDFULNESS WITH YOUR CHILD
 
Mindfulness defined as a state of increased awareness can also be developed for children. Most of them have little control over their life as they need to go to school they may not like, interact with children who may bully them, do after school activities they did not necessarily choose, and follow rules they don’t always agree with. Overall, some children live a life that puts a lot of pressure on them. Recent studies show that teens are more stressed than adults. In order to alleviate the stress, mindfulness is a useful tool that parents can teach their children.

Mindfulness can reduce the risk of depression and anxiety, help children become more empathetic, increase children’s focus at school, and may even improve their health.

Here are a few mindfulness exercises for your children:

1. Practicing progressive muscle relaxation. Starting from the feet and moving up to the head, help your child contract and then loosen her muscles in her body. This exercise will help your child gain control over physical and emotional tension bringing thus more awareness of her body.

2. Observing and naming thoughts and emotions. For five minutes, ask your child to focus on herself so that she can notice each thought that crosses her mind and then let it go. Similarly, she can focus on her emotions and name them as she experiences them. Help your child slow her breathing at the same time.

3. Using your child’s senses. Ask your child to focus on one sense after the other one. The goal is to notice what is happening in the present moment. So, ask her to only listen to her environment, then to use exclusively her sense of smell, and then to solely observe what is around her.

4. Playing games and puzzles. Games that demand your child’s full attention are inherently mindful. Avoid online games and instead try challenging games such as puzzles, chess, or word games.

5. Creating a serene scene through visualization. Guide your child in creating a detailed mental image of an attractive and peaceful setting or environment. To create a such scene, your child needs to involve each of her 5 senses to ignite positive messages throughout the mind and the body.
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Research has shown that mindfulness can strengthen a child’s emotion regulation skills, which includes awareness of their emotions and the ability to influence how they are experienced and expressed enabling them to relate positively with others.

                    HELPING YOUR CHILD MANAGE ANXIETY

Anxiety is a normal response to a stressful or dangerous situation. However, it becomes problematic when it arises at unexpected moments or is in full swing. When a child or a teen experiences anxiety, symptoms such as unexplained headaches or stomachaches may interfere with sleeping, eating and school. As a parent, you can help your child cope with it.

Here are a few strategies:

1. Do not talk your child/teen out of it. It might be tempting to try to reassure your child by saying to her “Do not worry about it. It will go away.” Telling your teen these words do not make her feel validated in her feelings. In addition, your child does not know how to stop her anxiety. So instead, ask her what her experience is and acknowledge it. Your child/teen needs to see that someone gets her.

2. Normalize her feelings. Explain to her that anxiety is normal and that everyone experiences it at some time in their life -before an exam, when meeting new people, starting a new school. Sometimes, it also happens without obvious reasons.

3. Explain the nuts and bolts of anxiety. Tell your child/teen that anxiety is caused by some part of her brain (the amygdala) that thinks she needs protection from a potential danger. Its job is to get your child ready to run away from the danger or fight it. The problem is that the amygdala does not make the difference between a real danger, let’s say a wild dog running toward her, or going to a new school. In both cases, the amygdala is working hard to protect her and anxiety gets then triggered.

4. Teach your child to breathe slowly and deeply. Since anxiety modifies the regular breathing pace, it is useful to help your child regain control of her normal breathing pattern. Tell her to hold her breath just for a second between breathing in and breathing out. Make sure the breath is going right down into her belly – not just into her chest. You can tell because her belly will be moving. Do this about 5 to 10 times. Remind her to practice regularly.

5. Practice mindfulness. Research shows that practicing mindfulness provides relief and protection from stress, anxiety, and depression. Being present in the moment, which is the concept of mindfulness, helps to have or regain control over the brain when worrying does not stop.

Here’s the how you can help your child/teen practice:

1. Close your eyes and notice your breathing. How does the air feel as you draw it inside you? Notice the sensation of the air, or your belly rising and falling. Notice your heart beating. If your mind starts to wander, come back to this.
2. Now, what can you hear? What can you feel outside of you and inside your body? If your mind starts to wander, focus on your breathing again. 

Anxiety is treatable but it might take time. So, it is essential to keep practicing mindfulness and deep and slow breathing to reach the goal.

     HANDLING THE MIXED EMOTIONS OF GOING BACK-TO-SCHOOL

Heading back to school after the long summer holidays can be an emotional rollercoaster for everyone in the house. When thinking about your children’s first day of school, it’s not unusual to feel overwhelmed. Kids (and indeed parents) often go back and forth between feelings of excitement and nervousness. So, working with your children to build resilience and manage their emotions can be beneficial for the psychological health of the whole family.

Here are a few strategies to help you deal with your children’s emotions:

1. Listen and talk to your children. In order to unload their emotional burden, your children need to share with you what is happening with them. So, several days before the first day of school, take the time to listen to what they have to say about going back to school. After they are done so, it might the opportunity to share with them some of your memories about your own first days of school. It will help your children normalize their emotions and feel they are not the only ones feeling this way.

2. Empathize with and support your children. Let your children know you are aware of and understand what they are going through. Make sure they know you are here to help them any way they need. Encourage your children to acknowledge and face their fears by validating how they feel.

3. Get involved in your children’ school life. Knowledge of the school and the community will better equip you to understand your children’s surroundings and the transition they are undergoing. Meeting members of your community and school will foster support for both you and your children. It will also show your children you are interested in their life at school and do your best to help them.

4. Practice the first day of school routine. Getting into a sleep routine before the first week of school will aide in easing the shock of waking up early. Organizing things at home — backpack, binder, lunchbox or cafeteria money — will help make the first morning go smoothly. Having healthy, yet kid-friendly lunches will help keep them energized throughout the day. Also, walking through the building and visiting your children’s locker and classroom will help ease anxiety of the unknown.

5. Get familiar with your neighborhood. If your children are starting a new school, their level of anxiety might be high as they are facing a lot of unknowns. In order to alleviate their stress, get to know the neighbors by walking around the block. Try to set up play dates, or if your children are older, find out where neighborhood kids might go to safely hang out, like the community pool, recreation center or park.

The end of summer and the beginning of a new school year can be a stressful time for parents and children. Fortunately, children are capable of coping with changes. As a parent, you can help them in this process by fostering resilience and encouraging them to share and express their emotions and feelings about returning to school.